Becoming Our Self

Hello friends.  Thank you for reading this.  I hope you make it all the way through!  This said before I even write anything.  I sure hope it is good.  

It is about to rain here in Greensboro.  It's later in the evening, around 8 o' clock when the thunder heads are about to burst.  The wind has picked up and I am home now with the pups, settling in.  The tea is still hot and my left forearm hurts a bit from driving.  Before starting this writing I was tuning into my heart.  I was seeing myself back in Tennessee, perhaps purchasing a small wedding chapel.  I was seeing it as a healing center too but maybe simply officiating weddings is healing unto itself, for me and the people involved, even, if in the end, it doesn't work out.  

Lots of things do not work out but they sure do work themselves out.  

What was inspiring me to write was a man speaking about racism.  He is a preacher and a teacher, a PhD.  It, they are both, positions of power and so here I am in a position of power too, so I am hopeful to speak clearly.  

We get hurt and we see others hurting and so we speak from hurt and frustration; unfortunately we do that with others (speaking in front of others) and usually it only promotes more hurt and frustration.  But not always so.  We are hurt and we talk and it is OK.  It is OK because we are expressing and others can see through our pain to the core, and what is at the core is the wanting for things to be right.  Things to be right in the sense that people are not killed because of this or that.  People killing people because people hold positions of power and it is almost always abused.  But, again, we are human and so we come to learn and grow into our divine selves.  A loaded term, maybe- divine self.  

I once knew a middle school teacher who worked with "troubled teens", I'll say.  Maybe better to say that he worked with kids who did not fit into the standard mold and who had problems containing themselves or got into trouble.  It was just the way he held himself and held his students to his highest standard, or maybe to a high standard that he knew his students could follow.  It was fair and it offered respect to the student.  He always took his job seriously.  And the students respected him for it; they did not misbehave to such an extent to warrant any real consequences.  This is me romanticizing him a bit.  I am sure his kids got into trouble at times and consequences had to be given.  Kids always test.  But when I saw him in action, it was beautiful.  

I used to be in this position- in charge of "troubled teens".  It was one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs I ever had.  I was a teacher at one point and also a "counselor" at another point.  That "counselor" position was changed to Behavioral Health Tech.  I laugh here.  That came when lots of changes came and when the non-profit was made for-profit and all the good stuff was taken away such as the Medicine Wheel teachings.  Hmmm.... things do change and so the second time I was there, I left after five months.  

I sometimes think of doing this type of work again.  I think if I were on a starship in Starfleet, what would be my role?  Counselor?  Captain?  That makes me smile.  Teacher??  Artist?  Are there just artists on a starship in Starfleet?  It's all Star Trek and made up but it is fun to imagine.  

I can pretend that here I am now on Starship Earth encountering strange lifeforms like troubled teens and professors who are hurt, and navigating through all this pain.  I am my own captain as we are all learning to be.  We can work together and that is fun when we act like our, when we are our divine selves, speaking and being like the middle school teacher I admire- with seriousness and respect.  With a sense of fun too!!    

On this earth as divine beings seeking that inner truth we find that, I find that once I take the time to acknowledge the divine within things lighten up and I am able to relax and experience a sense of omnipresent joy, even amidst the pain of killing, hurt and pain.  

We can tune into our joy and let it radiate and from that vantage point we can see more clearly.  But we still have to breath and use our heads and our hearts.  Everything does not all become peachy.  There is still plerk (play plus work) to be done.  

I am finishing my AmeriCorps assignment soon.  On one hand I am glad it will be over, on the other hand I am sad to leave it.  It has been a wonderful year of learning, challenges, and fun.  It is what that is yet to be that is the most, the most... it is what I will create, not knowing exactly what it will be, that is scary.  

Let your heart guide you

and you can do no wrong

for there is always more to become

More chances, experiences, and journey's to take

It is bitter-sweet because I love the folks I work with.  As it always is- we love the people we work with, even the ones who kill, that is why it hurts so much.