Self-Love

During my process of growth, I've gone back and forth from enlightenment and awakening to old habits.  It is wonderful to touch grace but then the grace falls so easily when I fall into others creation, habits, and vibration.  It is not to blame the other, it is simply to note that the old habits return and die hard.  Many of the people that I let myself be changed by (in a not so good way) were my down fall.  It sounds rather harsh, but put in another way, I allowed myself to be controlled by others because I was, perhaps, selfish and greedy, or fearful, and my ego, perhaps, got the better of me.  Those were the real things that lead me astray.   Other people may have represented those things but they were not those things.  They are angels and divine beings just like me.  It has been learning the hard way because I didn't want to listen.  I just got sucked in by emotions, old habits, or trying to get something from someone they couldn't give me because I hadn't found it in myself first.  Or I had forgotten it.  Or I still had some ideal.  Or I was still conditioned by society and heritage.   When you start to break free, you are really breaking free of the self-doubt.  The self sabotage.  The lack of self-worth.  Awakening, partly, is taking the sometimes big step into loving yourself enough to want to be your true self.  To change from so much of the old conditioning to a loving, compassionate person.  One who sees the divine in everyone.  One who is slow to make assumptions.  So many beautiful characteristics to embody.   Many of, all of us, have them.  It is a matter of choosing them.  

For me it has been one of self-worth.  Feeling sorry for myself.  Being a push-over.  Allowing others to control or manipulate me.  Being arrogant.  Being hard on myself.  

I wish I could change certain things.  I am changing those things each day.  

I know we create our own reality.  No one else is doing that for us.  Not God, not anyone.  We are responsible for ALL of our creation.  When we can see that and take responsibility for it, then we become true creators and not victims of circumstance.  I know it may be a hard concept to swallow.  The easiest thing to do is to start loving yourself and be selfish enough to choose for you.  Once you do, all your dreams will come true.  Some people may drop away.  That's ok.  It's part of life but so much more will open up to you.

My heart is open to you.  I love you.