A Wondrous Universe

I aye Wendy's.  Avoiding fried food, I ate the Cobb salad.  Delicious.  And, I am full.   It is sunny outside.  The Lady J's lost to WV.  WV played better.  Rebounds, free throws, awesome offense and defense.  They out-played the Lady Jayhawks on all fronts. I am going to buy some peanut butter and go home to my animals.  Maybe there, I will wrote more and study and relax.  Maybe I will catch a movie tonight.  Wonka?  The Trailers made it look fun.   My knee hurts.  It is my left knee.  Sending love to it.  Allowing my knee to be love.  Allowing my heart to open up.  I miss my Bunnie.  Though she is not mine.  Was she really ever? Perhaps, for brief moments she was, but not forever.  Not in the way that says so in action.   The actions I am taking are working towards a pilot's license.

Death is a choice.  Sometimes it is a fight.  You either throw in the white, bloodied towel or you keep on fighting.   Then when the doctor asks you if you want the meds and you say, yes, then it is over, done.   Even in the suffering there is life experienced, a preciousness.   Saying goodbye, even after the hug, hurts.  I saw you fighting it but we subdued it.  The meds subdued it.  Why did you want death so readily?   Why did I ever even consider suicide?  It was because of you, Kate.  It was because I wanted you so but couldn't cope without you the way I wanted you. Granma, you are dead.  You are here.  More so, you are here, just in different forms.  Perhaps, a freedom.  Yes, a freedom.   I do wish you had fought.  I wish I had fought for you.   In the aftermath, I met an angel on the plane and that meeting made my moment better. 💗

I am traveling.  Traveling often involves waiting.  I wait in the Nashville Airport to return to Lawrence, Kansas after a brief visit to see family.  It was brief because it was dramatic and I could not keep myself poised.  My grandmother died; my parents didn't want to talk to me about my feelings.  I didn't want to go to my brother's house so I went to my cousins- that was where my heart took me.   It is sad.  I wanted to stay longer but sometimes with family dynamics staying the duration is better left for a different time.   I wish it were different.   I did meet a nice gal on the plane.  Perhaps, I will meet more nice gals.  

I am thinking about you all.  Friends from Tennessee, Friends from all over.  Sending you well wishes and love and joy.  I miss you.  

I owe myself good feelings, joy So do you, don't you? So how to cultivate them?

I have a cat and a dog.  They keep me.  

Sometimes life is painful to the heart.  But this pain passes, almost.  Maybe with time it will completely pass.  I don't know.  Hope tells me it will.  

Sad because My heart is sad because My mind plans and sees beautiful outcomes  And for a time I can forget, Reintegrate my feelings But the sting is still there But I can tune back in to love A sad sort-of love Love none-the-less

A man still wishes And she calls But she may not be as sweet as the dew that drops from the honeysuckle  It leaves a man waiting and wanting for something better Therefore, he must be good to himself  Until the time is right When the woman of his dreams comes sauntering in

I dreamed I walked into a room and everyone yelled my name, "Karl!"  It felt really nice.

A man on a bench Softly strumming the guitar Brings me joy

I sit here in the grass  In the park Under tree Speak to me Tree says Do you best Take a rest It'll be just fine Unwind Unwind Trust in yourself and no one else It'll be alright You can trust in yourself It'll be alright It'll be alright 

I was happy with you When we were together I wanted us To ride tandem bikes Your cute face Pressed against mine, smiling I wonder if you'll ever be mine Again I hope so.

Today I walked in the woods with some friends.  We ate and talked together.  

I really miss chocolate sometimes, especially after meals.  The stash in the house has been gone for sometime.  I miss other things too.

Expectations.  In some sense they can serve you well, in others they do not.  It's best for me to maintain myself and if others want to join in then that's great.  

Today  is a hot day, 99 degrees here in Lawrence, Kansas.  I finally fixed my van door; the handle was loose.  Free time on a holiday are good for these things.  I saw some friends from the old neighborhood, and a friend, with her husband and kid, that I work with at the bus depot at Diary Queen.  I went to the dog park too with Goliath.  There were some beautiful women walking down the road, one in a tight pink body suit.   Tomorrow I have on the schedule a flight lesson.  But today is a relaxing day and O' Malley is spending some time outside of my room.  The house cat is spending some time in my room.  The house cat Ben often comes to my door and hangs out, meowing outside of it.  So in the free time today I opened for him.  In comes one, out goes another.   I met a woman yesterday picking up trash.   She was friendly and talked to me.  I often feel that a little friendliness can go a long way. ...

Life can be sad.  Life teaches you to be more the way you are in actuality, more connected.  Whenever I feel a disconnect I feel sad.  I'll just feel sad for however long until I feel reconnected.

Sometimes life is hard People don't behave as you might expect them to But others might and that makes life pretty good

Good morning. Like the sun that rises I will rise and shine.  I will shine like the lantern bug, glowing with each breath, never to be extinguished.